I CAUGHT MY CAT!!

For those of you who know me
I am a bit of a neat freak
The sight of dirt and clutter
Often make me want to shriek

Every item has its place
And that's where it ought to go
Toys go here and papers there
As my family members know

I preface this so you can see
That when I caught my cat
You'll understand my total disgust
To his horrifying act

I was in the bathroom
When Butch, our cat, walked in
But instead of drinking from the stool
His actions pumped my adrenalin

He jumped up on the counter
And with an awkward, shaky pose
Peed into my sink
As I stood horrified and froze

I do not know what prompted
His act of urination
But what other covert things take place
To make me consider assassination?

For now I will forgive him
But will keep a watchful eye
And if I ever catch that cat again
This clean-freak will crucify!

(For my faithful blogging readers
This one thing I must now tell
I think I know my problem
Explained in my post I titled, "SMELLS"!)

STRESS!!!

Ever have so much to do
You don't know where to start?
And as you tackle all your chores
Things start to fall apart?

I need to bake and pack our bags
For Christmas family gatherings
But leaking stools and broke down cars
Seems as if my world is shattering

The house needs cleaned and vacuumed
There's laundry yet to do
Already tired and cranky
But my list is far from through

(There's also missing silverware
My youngest is the thief
Can't keep him clothed or diapered
His hobby's giving Mommy grief!)

I think I'd like a breakdown
And a sound-proof, padded room
So when disaster hits
I won't hear or feel my doom!

Christ's Love = True Love

I'm learning a hard lesson
About what true love really is
It's not how much I can collect
But how much love I ought to give

Thus far I've held my heart out
So that others might try to fill
But when loved ones failed this task
My heart would sink and feel quite ill

God created us to feel His love
And only God can fill this void
Expecting love from things or people
Will leave us hurt and quite annoyed

I can choose love to be patient
I can choose love to be kind
Forget the record where I've been wronged
With only bad things to remind

Love is the opportunity
For us to give and not to get
This is a perfect Christmas lesson
One we should learn and not forget

I pray this Christmas season
You'll give your love to those around
And with this you can be certain
The love of Christ will soon be found

SMELLS

I sit here writing
With a scented candle burning
Flavored coffee in the maker
Cup of Joe - I'm now yearning
Pot roast in the oven
With aromas I want to eat
Laundry in the dryer
Fresh fragrance with drying heat
Throughout my house
Such warm and pleasant smells
Then there is my bathroom...
An odor I can't pin point or tell
I've cleaned and scrubbed
Washed and bleached
There isn't an inch
I haven't reached
Wiped down the walls
Sanitized the trash can
But this odor evades
All my tough cleaning plans
What is about smells
And the feelings they create?
Some good, warm, and fuzzy
Others gag as they permeate
And what makes us want
Other people to sniff
Something we found so horrid
We passed out with one whiff?!
I'll take the warm fuzzies
And good smelling stuff
'Cause with two stinky boys
I've had more than enough!

(As for my bathroom
I blame my pee-crazy boys
Their aim is so crazy
Stand back when they deploy!)

MEAN PARENTS

My husband and I are evil
This we truly are
We've been lying to our son
Perhaps taking things too far
Our oldest believes in Santa
We've told him he exists
But it's not just the myth of Santa
Or the nice and naughty lists
No, we've taken things much further
Than just a simple, small, white lie
And have used it to our benefit
To get him to comply
Whenever the little man pouts
Or starts to misbehave
We tell him we're calling Santa
As we give our phone a wave
To this he vows perfection
And that he'll stop behaving bad
We've even faked a conversation
(I know our actions are quite sad...)
What we're doing to our son
Has made me question a simple truth
If kids claim their parents mean
Should we believe our complaining youth?
As for now, my spouse and I
Will probably keep on with the fibbing
Parenting has a learning curve
With plenty of ad-libbing.

Let It Snow?

The weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
School's out and driving's a no
Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow

It doesn't show signs of stoppin'
The kids have begun head boppin'
Sugar highs make patience run low
As it snows, as it snows, as it snows

Can it finally be bedtime?
How I'd hate for my temper to blow
Sleeping kids would be so sublime
I'm going crazy like you wouldn't know!

The weatherman says more's coming
And I start some nervous humming
Another day with no place to go
There's more snow, there's more snow, there's more snow

At bedtime I do some praying
I catch myself softly saying
PLEASE GOD I BEG YOU SO
STOP THE SNOW, STOP THE SNOW, STOP THE SNOW!

Stop the snow
Make it go!
Mommy's done ever wishing for snow!

Christmas Shopping

I am done shopping for Christmas gifts this year
But please hear me out before you give me a sneer

All of my shopping was done here in my home
I didn't darken a store door or get out and roam

No, I did my shopping with efficiency and ease
Using search engines, websites and nice computer keys

You see last year was full of all sorts of disaster
With screaming kids and wiggly carts I couldn't move or master

I even had a fellow shopper swat at my hand
She grabbed a sweater I was holding as I stood trying to understand

What's up with the craziness Christmas shopping creates?
Are we so consumed with buying we make unloving mistakes?

Did Christ want us stressing and running around?
Or focusing on Him that His love may abound?

I decided this year would be different for us
I can still buy nice gifts with little to no fuss

My kids won't get antsy or frustrate my nerves
There'll be no angry shoppers whose hands I must swerve

Christmas will be calm and on His love we can fixate
Only problem now is keeping hands off cookies I bake!

'Twas the Night Before Thanksgiving....

'Twas the night before Thanksgiving
When all through the house
Every creature was stirring
Including the pet mouse

I'd made some desserts
With the best intentions and care
In hopes family members
Tongues all could bear

The children started coughing
Smells filling their heads
Smoke billowing from my oven
My heart beating with dread

Pa with the extinguisher
And I with my fan
Put out the fire
In the black, char coaled pan

Now in my kitchen
All covered with splatter
I pulled at my hair
Not dealing well with the matter

Away to the store
I flew like a flash
Tore open the doors
And threw down some cash

My mind on the brink
Of a new dreamed-up thought
Could I pass off these items
As home-made and not bought?

When what to my scheming eyes
Should appear?
A stamp claiming "HOME-MADE TASTE"
Then came the welling of tears

My heart began beating
So lively and quick
I knew in a moment
This treat was the trick

More rapid than eagles
To the cupboards I came
And I whistled out loud
When I saw - colored cellophane!!

On cabinets and counters
And dishes it flew
The cellophane glistened
As if my secret it knew

To the neighbors next door
To my family the next day
I'll pass this off! Pass this off!
And I swear I'll never say!!

My eyes -- how they twinkled
My thoughts were now merry
I had new found relief
At my dessert trays I could now carry!

They sat full and wrapped
And sitting on my shelf
And I laughed when I saw them
In spite of myself

The next day we set off
In the kitchen I did work
But then at a question
My head turned with a jerk

These wonderful treats
However did you bake?
Will you give me the recipe
So next year I might bake?

Then laying a finger
To the side of a pen
And giving a nod
And a slight, nervous grin

I wrote down directions
Feeling quite like a liar
Hoping God in his wrath
Wouldn't strike me with fire

But instead a small voice
From the other side of the room
Squealed out innocent words
That would soon seal my doom

My older son did exclaim
Though out of my sight
"Mom didn't bake these desserts
She just bought them last night!"

Thanksgiving

It's that special time of year
We give thanks for all we have
Here's a list that I have made
For without I would be mad

I'm thankful for the ovens --
However would we bake
The delicious turkey meals
And desserts like pie and cake?

I'm thankful for dishwashers --
And how they clean the icky mess
A wonderfully designed machine
Relieving time and stress

I'm thankful for coffee makers --
And the beverage they produce
The smell is so enticing
Along with the caffiene boost!

I'm thankful for refrigerators --
Keeping dishes well preserved
Now less cooking for a week
Leftovers I will serve!!

I'm thankful for our Tahoe --
And how it hums our boys to sleep
A drive with peace and quiet
We relax as they count sheep!

I'm thankful for my washer --
And also for my dryer
'Cause after all the trav'ling 'round
The laundry piles up higher

I'm thankful for my family --
Loved ones near and far away
Thanksgiving wouldn't mean a thing
Just a lonely eating day

I'm thankful for my treadmill --
Waiting for me to run
With all the tasty treats
More fat to burn off these giggly buns!

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving
Where ever you may go
Try not to overeat
Or your butt will surely show!

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!

MORNINGS

Mornings are the time
That I hate the most
Rushing to do anything
Even fixing toast
It never matters when I rise
I always feel behind
It's all the unexpected stuff
That puts me in a bind
I dress the kids and make the beds
It all seems very easy
But spilled juice and a ringing phone
Make me mad and kinda queasy
Some mornings are so bad
That though I try my best
What if simple chores aren't done?
Like getting MYSELF dressed?!
I know it will get better
As the kids grow and get older
But until that good day does arrive
I will cry on anyone's shoulder
And pray that things won't get too bad
Or that I won't come unglued
'Cause I'd hate to leave the house to find
I'm driving in the nude!

Eating Out / Eating In

I used to like going out to eat
Any day of the week was always a treat
Come home from work late at night
Not wanting to cook - go grab a bite
The atmosphere could be so very relaxing
Especially if the work day had been overly taxing
Delicious food -- maybe some wine
Let out a sigh, this life was fine!
No hurry to get home, enjoying conversation
Mentally taking in every sensation.

Then I gave birth...

No more relaxing when eating out
Now it's playing referee and trying not to shout!
Ten bathroom trips because a kid needs to pee
Hundreds of napkins to clean up spilt tea
Asking for high chairs with straps to tie down
The toddlers contained - no more running around
Keeping the oldest from knocking over waiters
Wishing we'd chose a drive thru order of taters

All this commotion because I hate to cook
Realizing irony when at our restaurant table I look
Eating out THIS night was to cause me less stress
But all around us is a huge, disastrous mess
There will come a day for eating out again
But until the kids graduate - I think we'll be dining in!

Losing Weight

What happens to our bodies
As we get up in the years?
Mine has stopped responding
This fact brings my heart to tears

No matter how I try
I rarely get results
Disgusted I give up
Adding injury to insult

I wish I could survive
On water and on air
Or that I loved to exercie
But I hate it to be fair

Oh, I love the bodies
Of Aniston and Kate Moss
How lovely would it be
To use your arm for dental floss?

Despite my constant failure
I'll get back on the diet wagon
Though I think the odds are better
of breathing fire like a dragon

We each have our thorns
Mine is losing weight
I'm headed for the treadmill
To run off this cake I ate!

My Husband

Want this button?

The toilet seat is never down
He spills crumbs all over the floor
Shoes track in so much debri
And he forgets what closets are for
The mail is scattered on top of the fridge
Along with his cell phone and keys
He refuses to flush before taking a shower
But afterwards could he please, please?

HOWEVER....

He works every day to provide for our family
And so I can stay home with the boys
He helps with bedtime (and with nightly prayer rhymes)
And then picks up their ungathered toys
When I am cranky and don't want to cook
He prepares a hamburger feast
The car is always perfectly maintained
And he tends to our family beast
The time that he spends with both of our kids
Always touches my heart
And when he comes home at the end of the day
I swear it is always the best part

This is my husband...good, bad, and ugly
I'll take him any day of the week
He loves me right back and rarely complains
Without him I'd be up a creek!

(Love ya babe!)

1 Corinthians 13:4-7

Love is patent, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

To see more Marriage Monday posts, click over to Chrysalis.

The REAL reason Halloween is scary.....

It's that scary time of year
The day we parents fear
For those concerned give ear
Yes, Halloween is here!

This day is deemed as scary
Because the bags our children carry
Are filled with treats un-dietary
And makes their actions quite contrary

So, be mindful of this day
As your kids go "treat" away
Remember, come what may...
You can't kill 'em just because their sugar high drives you nuts.....oops, Okay?

BIRTHDAYS

Who likes their birthdays? I'll tell you who -
Anyone under the age twenty-two
Up until then they're all pretty fun
Especially the birthday for year twenty-one!
Soon after that they make you feel old
Reminding you "aging" now has it's hold
First it is subtle but doesn't take long
Before you know it - your youth is far gone!
Oh, what I'd give to be young again
The wisdom from now - the body from then
Yet despite my complaints these days are a must
'Cause I'd rather get old than be ashes and dust!

Mommyland

Mommyland is a make-believe place
I created within my mind
When the days are rough I close my eyes
And visit from time to time
All the children obey their moms
And happily complete their chores
They hug and kiss (and never throw fits)
What mom could ask for more?
The laundry is done, no hamper is full
The clothes are all put away
The insides of closets are beautiful
Oh, how I want my house this way!!
Every meal is made to perfection
No mess is ever left behind
Whatever is made is always happily eaten
Kids never scowl or whine
This is the mythical place I visit
Any mother can surely see why
Next time you are stressed or pushed to the limit
Mommyland can more than satisfy
(Just brace yourself for when you get back
Because reality is where you live
And though it is nice to just take a break
Fun places rarely take captives!)

THE COLD

My head is stuffy - I can't think straight
My nose is running - this I HATE!
My throat is sore, I can't stop sneezing
The feelings I feel are not pleasing
I'm to the point where I hope I die
Still I know I'll pull through - and that makes me cry
But the crying only increases the mucous
So the drugs I took will now be useless
I sniff and snort and cough and sneeze
I beg the Lord with a VapoRub wheeze,
"Please make me well - unstuff my head!
Or just end it all and make me dead!"

Memories - Class of 1995

Seidl's science class, Clausing's band
Fifteen years ago in St. John land
Little memories in my mind
Feels like someone pushed rewind
Happy days with little stress
A bad day was a mid-term test
Lots of teasing and making fun
True bliss when our Tigers won!
Crazy home movies made by the guys
We all laughed until we cried
School plays we all acted in
(Just don't look up, Trav's mooning again!)
Brand new tractor at the prom
Keegan's failed potato gun (turned bomb)
Dead coyote tied to a car
(Did Cody take that joke too far?)
Car accidents we all survived
Who knew some of us had nine lives?
And then the Tang - need I say more?
Why did the guys drive it for?
Change of ownership with that beast
I lost track with that orange piece
Let us not forget about World History
Everyone passing was no real mystery
Those were the days, gone to the past
Though we didn't know then, it would go by so fast
I'll take the memories - it was all pretty great
But what I'd really love is my high school weight!!!

VACCINATED

In keeping with this wonderful H1N1 season.....here's to the flu vaccine!

Do you know what people say?
Blown kisses get thrown away
When you kiss, you should be tasted
This way your kisses are not wasted
My kiss is waiting, don't make it belated
But before you kiss me....are you vaccinated?

FEARLESS

Boys are so resilient
And never seem to rest
They give it all they've got all day
Trying to be the best
There may be a few seconds
When they experience fear
But its gone within an instant
And they seldom shed a tear
Oh, as a mom it scares me
To have two boys like this
But as a wife I love having
A man who's never scared out of his wits!